Bird Of Paradox

Available now at Amazon: Bird of Paradox: The Seasoning of Birdie McInness, a coming of age story set in Portland, Oregon.

The story follows the adventures of Robert Cameron McInnes, known as "Birdie" to friends and family.

Birdie learns the ying and the yang of life itself, a balance on a pendulum between the poles of providence and misfortune. Herewith is a taste of the narrative from the prologue:

Robert Cameron McInnes was basically just like every other kid growing up Catholic in 50s and 60s America. Yet, in many ways, he was unique. The nuns called him “Bert,” but everyone else knew him as “Birdie."

The eldest in a family of five, Birdie attended grammar school at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow (0LPS) parish, just like all the other Italian-American and Irish-American youth in his neighborhood. The “parish” was an all-inclusive term that meant priests, nuns, clerics, congregation, school and staff.

These young Christian soldiers were – by and large – serious about their schooling, and many were actively involved in other traditions and rituals of the Roman Catholic Church. Some, like Birdie, were altar boys – those young servers who assist the priest in conducting Mass while attaining a certain degree of proficiency in the lost language of Latin.

At OLPS (bottom photo), Birdie experienced his first taste of the type of draconian discipline administered by the Catholics. Brother Gerard, the parish advisor for the Altar Boy Society, like other members of the Franciscan Order, subscribed to the twin Catholic concepts of distributing guilt and.when necessary, corporal punishment.

The altar boys were an ambitious lot. Many were also members of the Boy Scouts of America, which was in its heyday at the time. Many played sports and some, like Birdie, had newspaper delivery routes as well.

In addition to serving Mass at the parish church every morning, they assisted parish priests with Mass at an earlier service at a monastery nearby at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. Sometimes it seemed if only the cloistered nuns, who were basically imprisoned at the monastery, and a few devout senior citizens, attended. 

One morning, Birdie overslept and, having to choose between serving Mass and delivering the morning edition of The Oregonian, he chose the latter. “It’ll be okay,” he reasoned to himself uncomfortably, assuming the other server would pick up the slack.  Big mistake. At the next meeting of the OLPS Altar Boy Society, retribution would be swift and brutal.

“McInnes, stand and follow me,” barked Brother Gerard at the very beginning of the meeting. Birdie’s heart leapt into his throat. What followed was the most serious upbraiding Birdie had ever yet received from an adult in a position of authority, at least up to that point in his life.

Brother Gerard had Birdie reduced to tears for the serious offense of missing the early Mass, and altar boys on the other side of the door could hear every word. When it was over, Birdie asked Brother Gerard if he could clean up a bit before facing the others. “No,” growled the sadistic cleric, firmly. “Get back in there and sit down.”

Birdie returned to his seat, eyes red and swollen, and his ego shattered more by humiliation in front of his peers than anything Brother Gerard had said. The stout, muscular cleric had accomplished two tasks at once: he had disciplined an errant altar boy and sent a clear message to all others in the room who might be so careless as to miss a scheduled Mass: “Don’t even think about it.”

It wouldn’t be the last time Birdie experienced Catholic justice. They didn’t refer to these clerics as “soldiers of Christ” for nothing. But the altar boys, at least the errant ones, would nonetheless have their payback behind the scenes, munching on communion hosts and sipping cheap Thunderbird wine surreptitiously in the sacristy after hours.