It’s rare where, as editorial director of the GonzoPR blog, I must rely on the entire brain trust on a conference call: Helmut Vallindaklopf, in D.C., covering the Americas, Ramona Vallindaklopf, in Genoa, Italy, covering Europe, Middle East and Africa, and Wolfgang Majoris, in Bangkok, Thailand, covering Asia and Australia.
As none other than Raoul Duke, AKA Hunter S. Thompson, duly noted, “truth is weirder than any fiction we’ve ever seen, and in a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.” In Herr Gropenfuhrer’s corrupt administration, even the rats recognize the stench. How ironic.
In just the past couple of weeks, we’ve seen bizarre goings on in Syria, Turkey and the Ukraine, the heartland of our nation’s capital in Washington D.C. and Florida, and in China, where even the National Basketball Association has apparently succumbed to greed and avarice over the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
JM: “Greetings, everyone. Thanks for joining me despite the variance in time zones. Let’s start with Helmut: what’s the climate look like in D.C. as you toil in your basement lair on Connecticut Avenue?”
HV: “Toasty, to say the least, JM. You have the impeachment process underway. Then, Herr Gropenfuhrer announces the G7 summit will be held at his Mar-A-Loco facility in Florida, And, as you noted, even the other rats are nervous that the orange top denigrates the emoluments clause in the U.S. Constitution.”
JM: “Indeed, what a ridiculous rulebook that is -- the U.S. Constitution. Herr Gropenfuhrer only pays attention to those amendments that matter to his ‘base,’ which appears to be small and growing smaller by the day.”
HV: “Oh, and the economy isn’t that great, either. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer, and White House staffers are either bailing, or noticeably absent.”
JM: “True enough, HV. Next up, we have Ramona Valindaklopf reporting from her base on the Italian Rivera, where she’s covering the inept foreign policy playing out in Syria and the Ukraine. What do you have for us, RV?”
RV: “Correct, JM. We have total abandonment of our allies, the Kurds, who were helping us beat back ISIS. Meanwhile, the Turks and Russians are filling the resulting void. Herr Gropenfuhrer is a weakling among the real strongmen around the world.”
JM: “And what of the Ukraine connection? Wasn’t the current president, Volodymyr Zelensky, an actor and comic who played, ironically, the president of the Ukraine in a sitcom?”
RV: “Indeed, he was. Before his election, he was last seen playing the piano with his, uh, johnson. Rudy Giuliani, Herr Gropenfuhrer’s personal lawyer known as the New York City subway of New York City mayors, attempted to initiate an investigation on Joe Biden and his son. Of course, he is in deep doo-doo with the impeachment hearing. Meanwhile, Ivanka, Beavis and Buttlead, Herr Gropenfuhrer’s progeny, are laying lower than snail shit on the bottom of the ocean.”
JM: “Wolfgang, let’s shift to Southeast Asia, where the National Basketball Association has sold its soul to the devil for profits over free speech in the U.S.”
WM: “Yep, that about sums it up. China has banned all preseason NBA games on state television and at least two large Chinese companies have dropped Houston Rockets gear. Even Lebron James has acquiesced in the interest of money and image after Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey tweeted support for the protesters in Hong Kong.
JM: “Meanwhile, China’s Xi Jinping is a real strongman to Herr Gropenfuhrer’s mental midget.”
WM: “Yes. And China continues to eyeball Nepal, which suspects foul play. As Raoul Duke would say about Herr Gropenfuhrer: ‘You have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.’”
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