Rude Notes From The Field

As editorial director for the GonzoPR blog, I have established a vast network of reporters, correspondents and stringers spanning the globe on all sides of the seven seas, from Baghdad to Bogata, from Tunis to Tukwila, from Moscow to Manila, from Nagpur to Nuuk, from Adelaide to Algiers, from Rangoon to Reykjavik, and all points in between.

Hence, what follows is a three-part series called "Rude Notes from the Field" featuring communiques from a far-flung network of staffers. GonzoPR's roving reporter covering the U.S., Helmut Vallindaklopf, reported in via Skype this morning from El Paso with an update from that beleaguered West Texas town.

JM: “Thanks for checking in for this editorial update, Helmut. Pretty gruesome times for the people of El Paso. What can you tell us?”

HV: “It’s horrific, JM, hell on earth. It’s a time of fear and greed. Politicians are fleecing the weak and the helpless with their hateful, vindictive ways. How much more cheap-jack nonsense can we take from our corrupt, lying leadership? This country is being flushed down the toilet as we speak.”

JM: “Yes, we’ve been subsumed by greedheads only interested in running the country their way, not the people’s way.”

HV: “Well, greedhead certainly captures part of that segment, but it’s also the white supremacists who flaunt their hate with assault weapons and the phony baloney pious types who enable the charlatans in the White House while they screw the little people.”

JM: “Yes, and I needn’t remind you that the gun lobby is thicker than thieves with Herr Gropenfuhrer, Moscow Mitch and the rest of their merry confederation of fascists with a tight death grip on the throats of the rest of us.”

HV: “Agreed. The current leadership has laid waste to our country as we once knew it. They must be removed in the next election or there will be hell to pay.”

JM: “No doubt. What can we do, Helmut?”

HV: “We must turn out in force and run the bums out of office. Now. We can’t pin our hopes on an aneurysm or a heart attack. There’s too many of them. The people must vote, now more that ever. It’s a matter of life or death, folks.”

JM: “I’m with you, Helmut. Thanks for checking in this morning.”

HV: “Ciao, amico. I will notify you from my next base of operation by carrier pigeon in a few days.”