Year Of The Pig

Admittedly, it's not much of a choice. We're moving from the Year of the Pig to the Year of the Rat. Hence I've put in a hasty Skype call to Helmut Vallindaklopf, GonzoPR's man in Washington, D.C.

JM: "Helmut, you must help me. What in tarnation is going on in your neck of the woods?"

HV: "Well, JM, there's certainly no lack of action around these parts. Herr Gropenfuhrer and his minions continue to lie, cheat and steal. Politicians should wear sponsor jackets. Then we'd know who owns them."

JM: "Indeed, Herr Gropenfuhrer set a new world record for tweets, including a vicious missive to Greta Thunberg, one day after she won Time's 'Person of the Year.'"

HV: "Yes, he told the Swedish teenager to chill, adding that she should work on her anger management skills. Of course, Thunberg has Asperger's syndrome."

JM: "Isn't it a sin to bully children?"

HV: "He's read neither the Old nor the New Testament."

JM: "As Joe Biden tweeted: 'Give it a rest, man.' What are we to do, Helmut?"

HV: "Vote for anybody but Herr Gropenfuhrer."

JM: "Yes indeed, Helmut. I will need to check in with you daily for now. The action just keeps coming. I'll contact you soon."

HV: "JM, you should come to my basement lair on Connecticut Avenue. I'll tidy the place up, and I have plenty of good beer."

JM: "I'll take the next flight out of Eugene. See you soon."