The Vallindaklopf Papers

Turns out the The Plain Players variety show was a smash hit, and when asked to reprise my Shirley Temple shtick from “Bright Eyes” at a cocktail party hosted by Wenatchee socialites, I quickly agreed. Kelly Tjaden would accompany me, and it would become the first of many misadventures he would call: “The Vallindaklopf Papers.”

Greeted by our hosts at the front door, Kelly introduced himself as “Helmut Vallindaklopf.” “So pleased to meet you, Mr. Vallindaklopf,” replied the husband as he shook Kelly’s hand enthusiastically. “I have a cousin named Vallindaklopf,” he continued. “He’s a dentist in Tacoma...from Finland. Could you be relations?”

Exchanging knowing glances, Kelly replied: “Very possibly.” But once we learned the festive soiree included an open bar, all bets were off. After an encore performance of “The Good Ship Lollypop,” we become the life of the party. Henceforth, Kelly's "nom de guerre" was Helmut Vallindaklopf. In kind, he would dub me “Gonzo,” Hunter S. Thompson's accomplice from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," otherwise known as his attorney, Oscar Zeta Acosta. Helmut and Gonzo? You bet.