Curiouser And Curiouser

It’s times like these that make me want to turn to the wisdom of Hunter S. Thompson. So I've invited the GonzoPR team to discuss the issues at hand: Helmut Vallindaklopf, covering the Western Hemisphere from D.C., his twin sister, Ramona Vallindaklopf in Genoa, Italy, covering Europe, the Middle East  and Africa, and Wolfgang Majoris in Bangkok, Thailand covering Asia and Australia.

A Skype session is now underway, but we’re still waiting for Wolfgang to join us. He probably had too much Saki and sushi last night at one of the many fine establishments in Bangkok. What’s this? He’s trying to ring through right now, but we’re having technical difficulties, so stand by. Oops, lost him. Ah, there he is.

JM: “Wolf, what do you have to report? All hell is breaking loose around here….”

WM: “Sorry, JM. Late night last night. I’ve been tracking our little buddy from North Korea. He hasn’t come through with his ‘Christmas Surprise’ yet, but it’s only a matter of time. I’m so nervous that I hit a local cantina for some sushi and Saki."

JM: “We suspected as much, Wolf. But now let’s talk with Ramona, who’s holed up in her apartment at The Hotel Columbo near the Porto Antico. Ramona?"

RV: “Well, it’s limoncello time, but here is my report: Yes, all hell is breaking loose. Herr Gropenfuhrer continues poke the hornet’s nest known as Iran. He’e pressing for war. It’s a dangerous game. Hasn’t he ever heard of The Beatitudes?”

JM: “He hasn’t even read the Bible, Old or New Testament. He deferred when he was asked by a reporter which book he preferred, because he has read neither. More lies, deceit and greed in an attempt to be re-elected. Let’s turn to Helmut Vallindaklopf in D.C. How are things shaping up from your basement bungalow on Connecticut Avenue, Helmut?”

HV: “Well, it’s chaos, as usual. The impeachment process grinds on and Herr Gropenfuhrer and his minions continue with their evil ways. A lot of blah, blah. woof, woof, tweet, tweet. It will be a long year, as if last year wasn’t long enough. What are we to do, JM?”

JM: “Vote the bums out. Right now, I turn to Raoul Duke for wisdom, in one of his columns for the San Francisco Examiner in the 80s. He likens people like Nixon and his minions to Herr Gropenfuhrer and his minions in much the same way. He starts with a Sam Coleridge quote from the ‘Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.'”

HV: “I know that one, where he says: ‘A thousand slimy things lived on and so did I.’ Then, Mr. Duke starts out with this lede (lead): ‘The political situation slipped another few notches, a hideous clicking and screeching of pig-iron out of control -- bad slippage with bent edges that won’t grip or hold onto anything.’”

WM: “His description of Nixon and his minions compares well to Trump and his minions: ‘There are the old timers, the vets: Boss Tweed, Joe McCarthy, Martin Borman, Caligula, Marshal Tojo, Jimmy Hoffa and a whole crowd of mutants and zombies. It is a special kind of hell for failed politicians. They are a special breed: The Shameless Ones.’”

JM: “Well that sums it up nicely. Needless to say, we must rally the troops to defeat Trumplestilskin come November. Well, that’s all for now. We’ll be chatting soon.”