Kafkaesque Chaos

Well, folks, it's been awhile since I, as chief editorial director and Grand Pooh-Bah of design for the GonzoPR blog, have convened our team of reporters spanning the globe: Helmut Vallindaklopf in Washington, D.C., Ramona Vallindaklopf in Genoa, Italy and Wolfgang Majoris in Bangkok, Thailand.

JM: "Let's start with Helmut, who's hunkered down in his basement bomb shelter on Connecticut Avenue. He's now live via conference call on Skype. Now that Herr Gropenfuhrer has been impeached and acquitted, what's the climate like in this nation's capital, Mr. Vallindaklopf?"

HV: "It's a war zone, not unlike when the British burned down The White House in the War of 1812 on August 24, 1814. Of course, a hurricane came the next day and extinguished the fire, but be that as it may, we are in shark-invested waters these days, and Herr Gropenfuhrer needs to be stopped at all costs."

JM: "We turn now to Ramona Vallindaklopf in Genoa for an update from her beat covering  Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Ramona, what is happening in your part of the world, aside from potential war with Iran and trouble in Syria? A couple more questions: has the world gone mad and why is there air?"

RV: "Has the world got mad? No, only in The White House because of Herr Gropenfuhrer. Why is there air? Well, we have less, due to global warming. Iraq is a mess. Syria is a mess. Most of Western Europe, except for Russia, seems to be working against the Trump campaign, too. Most Western European nations think he's bonkers."

JM: "We now turn to Wolfgang Majoris, otherwise known as Wolf, for his perspective on The Far East, as he reports from his base in Bangkok, Thailand. Wolf, how are things working out there, particularly in North Korea and China, where the coronavirus is rampant, infecting those who come into contact with it?"

WM: "Well, JM, yes. The coronavirus has run amok, and I must lay low for awhile until this whole thing blows over. Around these parts, everyone, and I mean everyone, wears masks. Herr Gropenfuhrer says everything is fine. China has the whole situation well in hand, which is pure, unadulterated poppycock, of course."

JM: "Thank you for that report, Wolf. Truly a bizarre country we live in right now. The only possible solution is to encourage people to vote. And try to avoid the troublemakers. Remember, Vladimir Putin and his minions are watching. As the election year continues to grind on, we will revisit the situation. Ciao."