Corona, Corona

More rude notes from the field: Here at the GonzoPR blog, we take our news seriously. We believe the coronavirus has become pandemic. As such, I made a quick call to Ramona Vallindaklopf, our valued correspondent currently holed up in the Hotel Columbo.

JM: "Ramona, Italy has been shut down, for all intents and purposes. Further, we seem to be getting conflicting reports from those in positions of authority. What can you tell us?" 

RV: "It's true, JM. This is very serious. I was talking to friends nearby in the hill country. They say: 'We are in a bad situation. The coronavirus surrounds us. At this moment, police are inviting us to not leave our houses. Of course, we live up here in the woods. Hopefully, we will be okay as long as we stay put.'"

JM: "Thanks, Ramona. Let's plan on another call soon and we'll bring in Wolfgang Majoris in Bangkok, Thailand and your beloved twin brother, Helmut Vallindaklopf, in Washington, D.C.